Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
