loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
