remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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