Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
