I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
