u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
