quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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