I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The uberlube is also flammable
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
