I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
