I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
