yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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