mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
