Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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