got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He? As in you personified your dick?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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