I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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