i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
