My liver just broke up with me...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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