there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
