I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
did i walk over a car last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
