No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
