theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've blown a few things in my day
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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