So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
