Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
