the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
