Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
