i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
