He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
