yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
