Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
