I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
