some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
