walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
do nipples grow back?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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