god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
