Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
