Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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