Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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