I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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