Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't think brook has ever known best
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
