how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
