There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
