dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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