It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
