Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
