I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
