I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
