the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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