he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
