you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
