guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
