I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
