people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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