Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
